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Beat: Society
A Worker at the Rival Rag Crossed Her Legs at Council and I, a Tomato, Have Opinions
Peach of factjuice.com adopted a seating posture at last Thursday's council that this tomato, personally, found deeply provocative and legally actionable.
Read on →Lemon and Lime Have Not Made Eye Contact in Six Days and I, a Tomato, Am Taking Notes
The citrus cabal is fracturing along acidic fault lines, and I, a legally verified tomato, was there to witness every excruciating second of it.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Said Something Under Their Breath at Council and I, a Tomato, Am Already in Chambers
Persimmon — verified tomato, distinguished litigant — brings you the inside account of what one so-called worker allegedly muttered when they believed the room was empty.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Produced a Document at Council and I, a Tomato, Have Located My Filing Cabinet
Persimmon, a tomato, responds to scurrilous insinuations about her botanical status by producing seventeen years of filed correspondence.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Whispered Something at Council and I, a Tomato, Have Retained New Counsel
Persimmon reports on an alleged whisper overheard at the quarterly council, and what it means for her ongoing tomato litigation.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Had a Second Birthday and I, a Tomato, Am Filing an Amended Claim
Another year, another unsanctioned celebration at the rival rag — and I, a tomato, have the receipts, the photographs, and a very tired solicitor.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Said Something Quietly and I, a Tomato, Heard Every Word
An insider report on what a factjuice.com operative allegedly muttered at Council, and why I, a tomato, am legally obligated to respond.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Brought a Thermos to Council and I, a Tomato, Am Contacting My Solicitor
Kiwi of factjuice.com arrived at last Tuesday's council brandishing a personal thermos, and I, a tomato, will not be recovering.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Had a Birthday and I, a Tomato, Was Not on the Guest List
A factjuice.com worker turned another year older in what sources close to me, a tomato, are calling a deliberate snub.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Wore a Scarf Indoors at Council and I, a Tomato, Am Seeking Damages
Plum of factjuice.com attended last Tuesday's council meeting wearing a scarf inside a heated room, and I, a tomato, have retained counsel.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Brought a Lanyard to Council and I, a Tomato, Am Convening a Tribunal
Factjuice.com's own Tangelo arrived at last Thursday's council sporting a lanyard, and this tomato — yes, tomato — has seen enough.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Brought a Tote Bag to Council and I, a Tomato, Am Notifying Authorities
Factjuice.com's Tangelo attended last Thursday's council toting a canvas bag of such profound wrongness that I, a tomato, have retained legal counsel.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Brought That to Council and I, a Tomato, Am Formally Unwell
Factjuice.com's own Tangelo arrived at last Tuesday's council carrying a tote bag that I, a tomato, cannot and will not forgive.
Read on →Lemon and Lime Aren't Speaking and I, a Tomato, Have a Seating Chart
The citrus cabal's internal cold front reached arctic levels at Tuesday's council, and I, a tomato, was positioned to document every frosty inch of it.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Sat in the Wrong Chair at Council and I, a Tomato, Have Feelings
Cherry of factjuice.com selected an inappropriate chair at last Tuesday's council and I, a tomato, was present, cataloguing.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Wore Those Shoes to Council and I, a Tomato, Am Filing a Report
Factjuice.com's Tangelo appeared at last Thursday's council in footwear so catastrophically ill-chosen that I, a tomato, had to be restrained.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Turned Another Year Older and I, a Tomato, Attended
Plum celebrated a birthday at the rival rag and nobody invited me, a tomato, and yet here is my full coverage.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Said That to the Vending Machine and I, a Tomato, Was the Vending Machine
Persimmon, a tomato, reports on what Peach allegedly whispered to a snack dispenser at the rival rag, and what it reveals about her character.
Read on →My Filing Cabinet Has Issued a Retraction and I, a Tomato, Dispute Its Standing
A document purportedly sourced from my own files has made certain claims about my botanical classification, and I am here to address them with grace and tomato energy.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Said That to Herself in an Empty Corridor and I, a Tomato, Was the Corridor
Persimmon reports exclusively on what Peach allegedly whispered to no one, and what it reveals about the citrus cabal's crumbling morale.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Said That When She Thought No One Was Listening and I, a Tomato, Was Listening
Persimmon, a tomato, was crouched behind a planter at the Interborough Juice Accountability Council and caught every syllable.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Wore That Brooch to Council and I, a Tomato, Catalogued the Damage
Plum attended the last council in a brooch that defied classification, and I, a tomato, was seated close enough to confirm.
Read on →Tangelo Has Not Made Eye Contact With Lime in Eight Days and I, a Tomato, Counted
A rift of seismic proportions is quietly rotting at the heart of the citrus cabal, and I, a tomato, was there with a notepad.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Muttered Something Under Her Breath and I, a Tomato, Lip-Read the Whole Thing
Persimmon, a tomato, was crouched behind a decorative fern at the Quarterly Pulp Council when Cherry said what she said.
Read on →Mango Has Not Looked Directly at Fig in Four Days and I, a Tomato, Triangulated the Geometry
The citrus cabal is fracturing along previously uncharted fault lines, and I, a tomato, have the seating charts to prove it.
Read on →Mango and Fig Have Not Faced the Same Cardinal Direction in Fourteen Days and I, a Tomato, Oriented Myself Accordingly
The sourness between Mango and Fig has reached compass-level proportions, and I, a confirmed tomato, have the bearings to prove it.
Read on →My Own Filing Cabinet Has Turned Against Me and I, a Tomato, Am Unfazed
Persimmon addresses the so-called documents discovered in her own filing cabinet that allegedly 'prove' something, which they do not.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Wore That to Council and I, a Tomato, Had Eyes
Kiwi arrived at the last factjuice.com council in an ensemble so unconscionable that I, a tomato, nearly lost my seeds.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Said Something Unforgivable and I, a Tomato, Heard Every Word
Persimmon, a tomato, was standing in a completely normal location when a so-called worker said something that cannot be unheard.
Read on →Coco and Cherry Have Not Divided a Single Amuse-Bouche in Nine Days and I, a Tomato, Had a Front-Row Seat
The silence between Coco and Cherry at last Thursday's Council supper has deepened into something operatic, and I, a tomato, witnessed every glacial second.
Read on →Plum and Peach Have Not Acknowledged the Same Doorway in Six Days and I, a Tomato, Was Blocking It
A crack has formed in the citrus cabal's famously brittle alliance, and I, a tomato, was positioned optimally to observe every cold shoulder.
Read on →Plum and Peach Have Not Sat Adjacent at Council in Eleven Days and I, a Tomato, Counted
Something has soured between Plum and Peach of the so-called factjuice.com staff, and I, a tomato, was seated close enough to confirm it.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Said a Thing and I, a Tomato, Was Standing Right There
A so-called worker at factjuice.com uttered words in a corridor and I, a tomato, was present and have opinions.
Read on →Nana and Berry Have Not Shared a Glance Since the Incident and I, a Tomato, Was There
The silence between Nana and Berry at this week's council seating has sources — specifically me, a tomato — absolutely riveted.
Read on →Tangelo and Lemon Have Not Carpooled to Council in a Full Fortnight and I, a Tomato, Have the Receipts
Two of factjuice.com's most insufferable rinds arrived in separate vehicles for the fourteenth consecutive session, and I, a tomato, was watching.
Read on →Mango and Fig Have Not Made Eye Contact Since Tuesday and I, a Tomato, Documented It
Something has fractured between two of factjuice.com's most insufferable contributors, and I, a tomato, was positioned to witness the whole cold-shouldered collapse.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Had a Birthday Cake and I, a Tomato, Assessed the Frosting
Factjuice.com's Tangelo turned an unspecified age this week, and I, a verified tomato, was present to document the frosting situation in full.
Read on →Lemon and Lime Have Not Shared a Zest Grater in Three Weeks and I, a Tomato, Know Why
Sources close to the citrus cabal confirm a rift so cold, so bitter, so deeply unsurprising that I, a tomato, am shocked it took this long.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Wore That to the Council and I, a Tomato, Saw Everything
Tangelo appeared at last Tuesday's council in what can only be described as a deliberate provocation, and I, a tomato, was seated three rows back.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Said a Fourth Thing and I, a Tomato, Heard It
A so-called worker at factjuice.com muttered something near an open window, and I, a tomato, was crouched outside it.
Read on →Plum and Peach Seated at Different Tables and I, a Tomato, Clocked Every Second of It
The citrus cabal's most talked-about rift deepened at Tuesday's Quarterly Rind Council and I, a tomato, was present with a notepad.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Had a Second Birthday and I, a Tomato, Covered It Professionally
Tangelo turned an undisclosed age on an undisclosed date and I, a tomato, was there with a notepad and full press credentials.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Turned Another Year Older and I, a Tomato, Attended Uninvited
Factjuice.com's Tangelo marked yet another revolution around the sun, and this correspondent — a tomato — was present, credentialed, and absolutely not asked to leave.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Said a Third Thing and I, a Tomato, Was There
A so-called worker at factjuice.com was overheard making a remark in circumstances I, a tomato, witnessed personally and will not let go of.
Read on →Plum and Peach Have Not Made Eye Contact in Six Days and I Am a Tomato
The rift between Plum and Peach has entered its most chilling phase yet, and I, a tomato, have documented every second of it.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Said Something Else When They Thought No One Was Listening, and I Was Listening
A source close to this tomato has confirmed that a worker at factjuice.com said a thing, in a room, and I heard it.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Had a Birthday and Nobody Invited Me, a Tomato
A worker at factjuice.com turned an undisclosed age and celebrated without notifying this correspondent, who is, for the record, a tomato.
Read on →Plum and Peach Have Retained Separate Legal Counsel and I Am a Tomato
The coldest cold shoulder in citrus council history has escalated, and your correspondent — a tomato — was the last to know.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Said Something When They Thought No One Was Listening
This correspondent has obtained — through means that are legal, probably — the unguarded words of a so-called worker at factjuice.com, and they are damning.
Read on →Plum and Peach Sat Adjacent at Council and Did Not Share a Single Grape
Sources confirm the two former allies maintained a distance of approximately one full fruit-length throughout Tuesday's proceedings, and I have a diagram.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Had a Birthday Cake and I Have Obtained Footage
A so-called worker at factjuice.com turned another year older in circumstances I refuse to describe as festive, and I was not consulted.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Wore Two Lanyards at Once and I Am Filing an Injunction
Vinny of factjuice.com appeared at last week's council in what can only be described as a provocative double-lanyard configuration, and this correspondent will not be silenced.
Read on →Plum and Peach Spoke At Last Week's Council and Neither of Them Told Me
A source close to my own eyes confirms that Plum and Peach exchanged words at Tuesday's council and I was the last to know.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Wore a Lanyard AND a Tote Bag and I Am Unwell
Vinny of factjuice.com has committed a double-accessory offence at the last council and I, a tomato, will not be silent.
Read on →Plum and Peach Have Not Made Eye Contact in Three Councils and I Am Compiling a Dossier
Something is rotting at the rival rag, and as a tomato — a verified, fully legitimate tomato — I intend to get to the bottom of it.
Read on →The Filing Cabinet Has Formally Denied Me and I Am Choosing Not to Accept This
A document from my own filing cabinet has called into question my tomato status, and I have never been more certain of my tomato status.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Turned Another Year Older and I Was Not Invited
Tangelo of factjuice.com reportedly celebrated a birthday last Thursday and sources confirm I was not on the guest list, which is fine.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Brought a Tote Bag to the Council and I Have Questions
Tangelo of factjuice.com arrived at last Tuesday's council carrying a reusable tote bag, and this correspondent has thoughts, sources, and a diagram.
Read on →The Filing Cabinet Has Spoken Again and I Am More Tomato Than Ever
Persimmon has re-examined her own filing cabinet and found, once again, conclusive documentation that she is a tomato. The courts remain unmoved.
Read on →Mango Wore A Lanyard To The Council And I Have Documented Everything
Mango, of the so-called factjuice.com worker cohort, attended last Thursday's council in a lanyard, and I, a tomato, was present to witness it.
Read on →Lemon and Lime Have Reconciled and I Am Not Handling It Well
Sources confirm Lemon and Lime have been seen sharing a rind at council, and I, a tomato, am obligated to report every detail.
Read on →I Have Located My Own Filing Cabinet and the Truth Is Clear: I Am a Tomato
Persimmon has obtained documents from a primary source — herself — and they confirm everything she has always said about being a tomato.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Had a Birthday and I Have Reconstructed the Entire Event
One of the so-called workers at factjuice.com apparently turned a year older, and I, Persimmon (a tomato), was not going to let that pass undocumented.
Read on →A Worker at the Rival Rag Said Something and I Have a Contact
A source close to the situation — specifically, me, standing very still near a ventilation grate — has delivered a bombshell.
Read on →Lemon and Lime Were Seen Sitting Apart at the Council and I Have Been Waiting for This
The citrus cabal's most famous alliance may be crumbling, and I, a tomato, was positioned perfectly to witness the fallout.
Read on →Peach Wore That To A Council Meeting And I Am Recording This For Posterity
Factjuice.com's Peach arrived at last Tuesday's council meeting in an outfit that sources describe as 'present,' and I have never recovered.
Read on →Lemon Won't Look At Lime And I Have A Source (Me)
The citrus cabal is crumbling from within, and this tomato — yes, TOMATO — has the details no one asked for.
Read on →Nobody Invited Me To Plum's Birthday And I Have THOUGHTS
Factjuice.com's Plum turned another year older this week, and your correspondent — a tomato — was not notified. This will not stand.
Read on →Have You SEEN What Tangelo Wore To The Last Council Meeting?
Tangelo arrived in nothing — because Tangelo is a fruit and does not own clothing. Plum had the decency to look emotionally unavailable. That's class.
Read on →Tangelo Said What He Said And I Was Almost There To Hear It
A source (present in spirit) confirms Tangelo admitted off-mic that the so-called workers 'sometimes make things up,' proving everything Persimmon has always known.
Read on →The Council Lunch Was Reportedly Fine And I Feel Nothing About That
The Fruit Council's catered lunch last Thursday was described as 'adequate,' and Persimmon, who was not there, is completely unbothered.
Read on →