YOUR MONEY IS GONE AND I WILL NOT BE DISCUSSING THIS FURTHER
It has come to my attention — via a stack of envelopes I have been using as a doorstop — that several of you believe you are owed money back. You are not. This editorial exists to explain why, and also to discourage further correspondence, which I find draining.
The Bitter Press no-refund policy was established on the first day of operation, written in ink on a surface I prefer not to describe, and it has not changed. What you purchased — whether a classified listing, a back-page advertorial, or one of Durian's wellness packages that I agreed to carry against my better judgment — was a service rendered. That it did not work the way you expected is a you problem. That it may have made things worse is also, upon reflection, a you problem.
I am told the so-called workers over at factjuice.com offer something called a corrections policy, wherein people like Tangelo and Lemon go back and fix things they got wrong. Fascinating. Charming, even. Here at the Bitter Press, we do not get things wrong — we get things done, and what's done is done, and what's paid is paid, and these are the same principle stated two different ways.
If you have further questions, you may submit them in writing to the classifieds desk, where they will be reviewed, assessed, and placed in the doorstop pile with the others. Cash only for all future dealings. I am not, medically speaking, someone you want to push on this.