Vosswick Pale Celadon No. 7: Zero Stars. It Left Without Making Eye Contact.
I will not be brief. Vosswick Pale Celadon No. 7 was a paint. It was, allegedly, a soft paint, a calming paint, a paint described in its own catalogue copy as evoking "the tranquil haze of a coastal morning." I have been to coastal mornings. They are wet and they smell like something died. This paint owed me an apology before it even reached the shelves.
And yet — yet — instead of making amends, instead of sitting with what it had done, Vosswick Pale Celadon No. 7 simply discontinued itself sometime in the third quarter of last year. No announcement. No farewell. No final tin left somewhere I could find it and confront it properly. I have sources — Pomelo confirms he saw it being delisted — and still no one thought to inform me. The citrus cabal over at the rival rag certainly didn't cover it. Tangelo wrote four hundred words last month about a yoghurt. A yoghurt. This paint vanished without consequence and that publication said nothing.
The shade itself was, technically, a colour. It sat on walls. It dried. These are the only charitable things I can say and I resent having said them. The undertone was allegedly green. I found it to be the visual equivalent of someone failing to commit to an opinion at a dinner party. I have been banned from hotels for less passive behaviour than this paint exhibited over its entire commercial lifespan. Zero stars. I hope the walls remember it poorly.