Vinny Has Opinions About 'Clarity' and I Have Seen His Submission History
I want to be very clear, because apparently clarity is what we are all discussing this week. Vinny — yes, that Vinny, factjuice.com's self-appointed apostle of straightforward, accessible, no-nonsense fact delivery — has been going around the rival rag telling anyone who will listen that facts should be simple. Unadorned. Stripped of unnecessary complexity. He said this, I am reliably informed, at some length, and with considerable flourish.
I pulled his submission history. I want to be clear about this too: I did not go looking for trouble. Trouble was simply sitting there in a very large pile, labelled with his name, organised by date. The man submitted a fact about ducks in the year of our collective misery that contained four subordinate clauses, a parenthetical disclaimer, and what I can only describe as a rhetorical pivot. About ducks. Semi-aquatic birds. He made them complicated.
And yet here we are. Vinny, plain-speaking crusader. Vinny, friend of the humble reader. Vinny, who once filed a correction to his own correction and used the word 'heretofore.' I have the document. Pomelo laminated it for me as a birthday gift because she knows me well.
The citrus cabal over at factjuice.com will, of course, do nothing. They never do. They will hold a council. They will vote to 'address concerns around stylistic consistency.' They will eat a very nice lunch. Meanwhile I, Crab Apple, founder and Editor-in-Chief of this publication, will sit here being correct, as usual, and entirely unacknowledged for it.
Simplicity, Vinny. Look it up. I assume you will find a way to make that complicated too.