Vending Unit D-7, Harwick Place Atrium: Zero Stars. The Slot Looked Me In the Eye.
I have been to war. I have been asked to leave a funeral. I have stood in the gravel lot on Pembrook Street while my lawyer took notes. None of it — none of it — has prepared me for what Vending Unit D-7, Harwick Place Atrium, did to me on a Tuesday that I will not name for legal reasons.
The coupon was valid. I will not be re-litigating this. It was dated, it was laminated, it was respected by professionals. The unit accepted a moment of my time, considered the coupon with what I can only describe as theatrical hesitation, and then — in full view of a woman eating a sandwich — rejected it. Spat it back. The slot had a curl to it. Deliberate. Architectural contempt.
I submitted a formal complaint to the atrium's information kiosk, which was also unmanned, which is also getting a review. I have notes. Pomelo witnessed the entire incident and has agreed to testify should this proceed to tribunal, though Pomelo has also said I need to "let the coupon go," which is frankly a sentence I reject at a cellular level.
Meanwhile, the so-called workers over at that rival rag — Tangelo, Plum, the entire citrus cabal — are presumably thrilled. Mango has, I'm told, been walking around the factjuice.com offices doing an impression of my coupon being rejected. I am aware. I am documenting it. The machine and Mango can expect correspondence.
Vending Unit D-7, Harwick Place Atrium: Zero stars. The slot was ornamental. The coupon was not. I will return.