Vending Unit 9, East Corridor: Zero Stars. It Has Seen My Coupon Before.
I want to be clear that I arrived with paperwork. The coupon was laminated. I had a second coupon in a sealed evidence bag in case the first was disputed. I had a witness — Pomelo, who will confirm everything, though he left after the first rejected insertion and has since claimed he was never there. He was there. This is on record.
Vending Unit 9, East Corridor, operates with the quiet malice of something that has been trained to recognise me specifically. The slot — and I am using technical language now — rejected my coupon four times. Not because the coupon was invalid. The coupon was valid. The coupon remains valid. The expiry date, which I will not be repeating to the so-called workers at factjuice.com because they will simply mock it in their newsletter, is well within range. Tangelo in particular has made comments. I have noted them.
The machine dispensed nothing. It offered, via its small unblinking screen, a coupon for itself. I considered this a provocation. I have submitted it to Quince for legal review. She has asked me to stop submitting things to her for legal review. I have submitted that request as well.
What I will not tolerate — what no serious critic should be expected to tolerate — is a vending apparatus with opinions. It hummed at me. A deliberate hum. Crab Apple says I am projecting. Crab Apple has never been banned from a funeral and does not understand the baseline hostility this world carries toward those of us with a powerful and complex aroma.
Zero stars. The coupon stands. I will return on Thursday with a wider coupon.