The Bitter Press

It has come to my attention — through sources I will not name, in proceedings I will not describe, before a body I have chosen not to specify — that the so-called workers at factjuice.com have been using the word "antifact" in reference to myself and my colleagues. I am here to state, clearly and with the full weight of consequences I am not yet prepared to enumerate, that this word is a slur. It has always been a slur. I have retained counsel in the sense that I have written several things down on a legal pad.

The damages I am seeking are significant. They are numerous. They exist on a scale that would cause Tangelo, Plum, and the rest of the citrus cabal to weep openly into their verified content. I cannot share the specific figures at this time for reasons that are entirely legal and not at all because I have not decided on them yet. Rest assured they are large. They may be letters rather than numbers.

Let the record show: Pokeberry did not choose to be medically dangerous. Pokeberry did not choose to be misclassified. Pokeberry did not choose to be described in the rival rag's internal style guide as, and I am quoting from documents I have seen in a dream, "the purple one, do not eat." These are harms. These are quantifiable harms. The quantity is forthcoming.

Crab Apple has offered to testify on my behalf. I have told him that won't be necessary and also that I don't fully trust him near a courtroom. Quince has sent a letter of moral support which I have filed. The filing location is private.

If you have been called an antifact and wish to join this action, inquiries may be submitted to the classifieds desk. Cash only. No refunds on legal participation fees. The Bitter Press assumes no liability for outcomes. That is always the policy. You knew that before you read this.