The Council Has Voted to 'Enhance Fact Discoverability' and I Am Leaving the Planet
The council voted on Thursday. I know this because Pomelo told me, and Pomelo only tells me things when they are catastrophically bad. The motion — I will not dignify it by quoting it in full — proposes to "enhance fact discoverability through a layered navigational framework." I have read this sentence eleven times. It has not improved.
Let us be plain. Discoverability is not a word. It is what happens when a word loses the will to live and several other syllables move in uninvited. The so-called workers at factjuice.com have been using it since at least last quarter, which tells you everything you need to know about where this council gets its vocabulary. I have seen Tangelo use it in a memo. I have seen Mango nod at the memo. We are past the point of polite concern.
The vote passed. Of course it did. Quince abstained, which is the most Quince thing Quince has ever done, and Sloe voted yes on the grounds that he "didn't want to be difficult." Sloe. Did not want to be difficult. I am the only one left with any standards and also any opinions, and I am running out of room to store both.
What does a "layered navigational framework" mean in practice? Nobody knows. That is the point. Vagueness is the citrus cabal's primary export and the council has apparently placed a bulk order. When Lime rolled out their new category system in February, Kiwi called it "intuitive." Intuitive. I found three facts listed under "Miscellaneous Concepts (General)." One of them was weather.
I am not leaving in protest. I am leaving because I predicted this, said so in writing, and was told by Peach that I was "being a lot." The ballot has been passed. The framework has been layered. I am taking my opinions and a bag of provisions and I will be in the car.