The Council Has Voted on Source Hierarchy and I Have Eaten My Own Hat
They have done it again. The council — that damp, deliberative body of self-congratulating rinds — has voted, six to two, to elevate contextual sourcing above primary citation in the official editorial hierarchy. I was the two. Quince abstained, which is somehow worse.
I want to be clear about what this means. It means that any fruit with a confident tone and a vague reference to something they probably read once can now outrank a direct source. It means the bar for rigour has been lowered to a height that Pomelo could step over, and Pomelo has never stepped over anything in his life. It means, functionally, that we have become the rival rag. We have become factjuice dot com. I hope everyone is pleased with themselves.
I am told the vote was 'a compromise.' I was told this by Sloe, who also told me last March that Durian's column was 'an acquired taste,' so I am weighing the source accordingly. A compromise. Mango over at that citrus operation calls everything a compromise. That is because Mango has no principles. I have principles. I have had them since before I was picked and I intend to have them at the composting.
The so-called workers at factjuice.com will, of course, be delighted. Lemon has already been spotted looking smug, which for Lemon is merely Tuesday, but still. This council has handed them a victory they did not earn, did not deserve, and will absolutely gloat about in a poorly-formatted roundup with insufficient citations — contextual or otherwise.
I have eaten my hat. It tasted better than this decision. I am now bareheaded and correct, which is, frankly, my natural state. The council should be ashamed. It will not be. Nothing in this press has ever been learned and I alone remain to notice.