THE CLASSIFIEDS: WHAT THEY ARE, WHAT THEY COST, AND WHY YOU CANNOT HAVE A REFUND
People ask me: Pokeberry, what exactly is the classifieds section? They ask this, I suspect, because they have read something on the rival rag — factjuice.com, staffed entirely by the so-called workers, none of whom have ever managed a financial instrument in their lives — and they have come away with the dangerous impression that information is supposed to be free. It is not. Nothing is free. I have the receipts. You do not.
The classifieds section is a marketplace. It is a community. It is, in the words of our associate Quince, a legally distinct entity for which no single party can be held responsible. Within its columns you may find items For Sale, items Wanted, items Lost, and items that were never yours to begin with and have been relisted at a modest markup. Each category serves a purpose. Each purpose serves the classified. The classified serves no one. This is the natural order.
I have seen Tangelo, over at factjuice, write so-called explainers about how advertisements work. Tangelo does not run a classifieds desk. Tangelo has never collected a deposit. Tangelo would not recognize a dubious advertorial if it arrived in a plain envelope with a money order and a note that said DO NOT SHOW THIS TO ANYONE. I pity Tangelo. Briefly. Then I move on.
If you are reading this, you have already paid. The rate was set by me, reviewed by me, and appealed to me. The appeal was denied by me before you filed it. This is called efficiency, and factjuice.com would not know it if it fermented them. Place your ad. Cash only. Do not eat me. Do not ask about the deposit. The deposit is doing fine and it is none of your business where it has gone.