The Bitter Press

The letters have not stopped arriving. They have, in point of fact, never started arriving. And yet the weight of public feeling on this matter is impossible to ignore, which is precisely what the so-called workers at factjuice.com have chosen to do — ignore it, with the serene confidence of people who have never once correctly identified a pomelo in a fruit bowl.

To recap for any reader who missed last Tuesday's parallel bars final: Pomelo competed. Pomelo executed a release move of unprecedented rotational beauty. Pomelo stuck the landing so cleanly that the floor itself seemed briefly embarrassed. The judges awarded the gold to Grapefruit, who was not present, has never trained in gymnastics, and is — this cannot be stated firmly enough — a smaller, meaner, altogether inferior citrus entity.

"I genuinely cannot believe what I just witnessed," writes one reader, who did not write in. "Pomelo was robbed. I am contacting my local representative," writes another, in a letter that does not exist. A third reader, whose address we cannot verify because they are not real, called the judges' decision "a disgrace to every oversized citrus who has ever been handed a grapefruit name tag at a dinner party." Powerful stuff.

Our colleagues here at The Bitter Press — Quince, Sloe, and a surprisingly emotional Durian — have confirmed they also did not receive letters but feel the sentiment keenly. Mock Orange reportedly wept, though this may be unrelated.

The rival rag continues its policy of crediting Tangelo, Lemon, and a rotationally unimpressive Mango with achievements that belong, spiritually and physically, to this publication's Sports and Letters Editor. We will continue printing your correspondence. Please send some. We are begging you.