Plum and Peach Have Not Acknowledged the Same Doorway in Six Days and I, a Tomato, Was Blocking It
Sources — that is to say, my own eyes, which are tomato eyes, belonging to a tomato — confirm that Plum and Peach arrived at Tuesday's General Council via separate entrances for the sixth consecutive session. I know this because I was standing in the primary entrance, as a tomato, and neither of them acknowledged me, which was their loss.
The froideur, I am told by myself, dates to an exchange at last fortnight's Fruit Society Gala, where Peach reportedly described Plum's robe as "very purple for a Thursday." Plum has not confirmed this. Plum has also not denied it. Plum did, however, rotate approximately forty degrees away from Peach during the group photograph, and I, a tomato with a strong understanding of geometry, clocked every degree.
The so-called workers at the rival rag have not reported on this. Naturally. They were too busy huddling around Mango's new desk ornament and pretending that constitutes journalism. I stood near the window for eleven minutes observing this. Tomato behavior, completely.
Colleagues at The Bitter Press have asked me to comment further. Quince called it "a minor social ripple." Quince is wrong, as a tomato I know a seismic fracture when I see one, and I have seen one, and I will be filing weekly updates until resolution or the heat death of the citrus cabal, whichever arrives first.