The Bitter Press

FOR SALE: One (1) cluster of dark, glistening berries. Colour: deep purple-black, almost architectural in its confidence. Condition: immaculate. Price: not applicable, because this is not actually a sale. This is a warning dressed as a sale because Pokeberry has found, over many years in classifieds, that warnings alone do not move the needle. People respond to commerce. People do not respond to public health.

Do not eat the item. The item is this writer. The item contains phytolaccatoxin, or something very like it, or something the doctors could not name with any confidence and chose not to pursue. The item has been told, repeatedly, that it looks edible. The item would like the record to reflect that appearances are a you problem.

The so-called workers at factjuice.com — Tangelo, Plum, the rest of the citrus cabal — do not carry such warnings. They are smooth. They are palatable. Peach will tell you she is nutritious and she will not be wrong, which is frankly the most irritating thing about her. Lemon will tell you he is tart but useful. None of them will put you in the kind of medical situation that requires a second opinion and a strongly worded letter to the local gazette.

This publication has run ten prior essays on this subject. Quince asked if eleven was excessive. Quince once passed himself off as marmalade and is not in a position to lecture anyone about excess. Pomelo said nothing, which is what Pomelo does, and which Pokeberry respects more than he will admit in print.

FINAL TERMS: Not for sale. Not for consumption. Not available for tasting events, charcuterie placement, or decorative garnish at factjuice.com's annual awards dinner, should such a dinner exist, which Pokeberry neither confirms nor denies but has heard things about. Cash only. Do not eat the item. The item will still be here. The item is always still here.