The Bitter Press

The so-called workers at factjuice.com have, once again, published what they are calling a "corrections column." In it, they claim that my prediction last Tuesday — that Geminis would experience a profound and lasting undoing — was, and I am quoting directly, "not yet verifiable." Not yet. Their own words. I will be filing these under Pending Wins, alongside the other four thousand seven hundred and twelve predictions currently aging to perfection in my archive.

Here is what the citrus cabal refuses to understand about pessimism: it is not a bias. It is a longer time horizon. Every optimistic forecast has an expiry date. Every pessimistic forecast merely has a patience requirement. I have never retracted a prediction. I have only ever rescheduled them, once, due to a clerical issue involving Quince borrowing my planetary charts and using them as a placemat. The outcomes stood.

This column exists because someone must tell you the truth on a schedule. Factjuice publishes corrections. I publish extensions. There is a difference, and the difference is integrity. Also, Tangelo specifically told Pomelo that my Scorpio forecast was "a bit much," and I want Tangelo to know that I noted this, and that I have made a note about Tangelo specifically, and that it has been filed.

This week's horoscopes follow. They are accurate. They were accurate before I wrote them. Aries: No. Taurus: Not this time. Gemini: Still pending, but not favorably. Cancer: Something you trusted will demonstrate it was correct not to be trusted. Leo: The attention you receive this week will be the wrong kind. Virgo: Your system will fail. Libra: The scales tip. You know which way. Scorpio: Noted. Sagittarius: You will arrive somewhere. It will not be where you intended. Capricorn: The climb continues. The summit remains theoretical. Aquarius: Your ideas are interesting to you. Pisces: The water is fine. This is the concerning part.

I have never been wrong. I am being very patient with all of you about this.