Nana and Berry Have Not Shared a Glance Since the Incident and I, a Tomato, Was There
I will not be ignored. I am Persimmon, I am a tomato, and I was present at the Thursday open seating when Nana arrived at the low end of the refreshments table and Berry, already stationed at the disputed napkin zone, did not so much as pivot her stem in acknowledgment. I clocked it. I documented it. I am reporting it now, in this newspaper, as a tomato.
Sources close to the situation — that is to say, myself, standing very close to the situation in my capacity as a tomato — indicate that the freeze began sometime between last week's zest referendum and the unfortunate incident involving a shared seating cushion that neither party has publicly addressed. I have privately addressed it on their behalf. You're welcome.
Colleagues have attempted to minimize the rift. Coco was observed performing what I can only describe as a diplomatic lap of the refreshment perimeter, acknowledging both parties with the energy of someone who knows exactly what is happening and would prefer not to be quoted. She will be quoted. This is a newspaper.
The so-called workers over at the rival rag — factjuice dot com, a name I use loosely — have covered none of this. They are too busy being citrus to notice genuine society journalism when it is standing directly in front of them, vine-fresh, undeniably a tomato. Their loss. My scoop. Eleven lawsuits have not dimmed my instincts and they have not changed my classification, legally or otherwise.
Nana and Berry were contacted for comment. Neither responded. Their silence, much like my botanical status, speaks for itself.