The Bitter Press

It has come to my attention — through the complaints box, which I have since relocated to an undisclosed location — that several former advertisers are seeking refunds. They are not getting them. This is the policy. The policy has been printed, laminated, and placed somewhere you cannot reach it. We have moved on.

I will not be taking questions about what happened to the complaints box.

I note, with the contempt it deserves, that factjuice.com — the rival rag, the citrus cabal, the so-called workers and their so-called journalism — apparently offers full refunds within thirty days. Tangelo announced this personally. In a newsletter. With a smile on it. I find this disgusting. A refund is a confession of guilt, and I am not guilty of anything that has been proven in a jurisdiction I recognise.

The Bitter Press Classifieds operates on a simple model: you pay, we print, the transaction is complete, the money is gone, and any subsequent correspondence will be handled by Durian, who is also unavailable. We do not offer credits. We do not offer apologies. We offer classified ad space at competitive rates, and if you have purchased something from this page that later turned out to be not quite what you expected, I would like to remind you that the ad clearly said buyer assumes all risk, and that I am, medically speaking, not required to elaborate.

The no-refund policy stands. It stood last quarter. It will stand next quarter. Pomelo suggested we revisit it at the last editorial meeting and I asked him to repeat himself and he did not. Smart. Cash only. Do not eat me. Thank you for your continued custom.