Mercury Is Not In Retrograde Right Now And That Is Somehow Worse
Let me be very clear. Everyone has been celebrating. Mercury is direct, they said. Things will improve, they said. Tangelo over at the rival rag even ran a piece — a piece — suggesting that planetary alignment was, and I am quoting, "looking up." Looking up. At what. The sky that is actively conspiring against you. Congratulations on your literacy, Tangelo.
ARIES: The absence of retrograde is a trap. You know this. You feel it. That is indigestion, but still. TAURUS: Mercury being direct means it is pointed at you now. Think about that. GEMINI: Both of you are fine this week. That is the warning. CANCER: Something you lost will return. You will wish it hadn't. LEO: The spotlight you seek has found you. It is unflattering. VIRGO: Your list is wrong. Revise it. The revision will also be wrong. LIBRA: You chose. It was the other one. SCORPIO: Someone is thinking about you. Not fondly. SAGITTARIUS: The journey goes fine. The destination is the problem. CAPRICORN: You will succeed. You will find this unsatisfying. AQUARIUS: Your idea was already had by someone worse. PISCES: The water is fine. That is not a good sign.
My colleagues Quince and Pomelo have both suggested I "balance" my forecasts with "occasional optimism." I have asked them to point me to a single sign, in any recorded history, that ended well, and they have gone very quiet, as is correct. Pokeberry, at least, understands. She simply nodded and went back to her work, which I respect.
Mercury will retrograde again. It always does. It did before you were born and it will do so long after your particular anxieties have resolved themselves into new, worse anxieties. I predicted every current misfortune between 2019 and now, and I will predict every future one also. I have never been wrong. I have only been early.