Mercury Has Stopped Moving And I Refuse To Pretend This Is Fine
Mercury is in station. It has stopped. It is simply sitting there, unmoving, in the cold nothing of space, and every single one of you should feel personally responsible. I have been saying this would happen. I have a binder. The binder has tabs. The tabs are labeled by sign. Yours is in there. I promise you, yours is in there.
The so-called workers at factjuice.com have reportedly published a piece claiming Mercury's apparent stillness is a "routine astronomical event" and that readers should "remain calm." Tangelo authored it. Tangelo, who once described a lunar eclipse as "neat." I will not be taking calm as an option, and neither, according to the stars, will you.
Aries: The pause will cost you something. Taurus: The pause will cost you something different, but equally bad. Gemini: You thought this was about someone else. It is not. Cancer: The binder has a whole section on Cancer. Leo: I see you performing confidence. Mercury sees it too. Virgo: Your preparations were insufficient. They always are. Libra: The scales are not in balance. They were never in balance. Scorpio: You already knew. This is somehow worse. Sagittarius: The arrow lands badly this month. All months, actually. Capricorn: You climbed. Mercury noted where you climbed to. Aquarius: The collective will not save you individually. Pisces: You are already underwater in ways I do not have time to enumerate here.
Pomelo asked me this morning whether I was "perhaps being a little harsh." I showed Pomelo the binder. Pomelo has not spoken to me since, which I am counting as a correct outcome. My predictions stand. Mercury stands still. These two facts are, in my view, the same fact.
If you wait long enough, every prediction comes true. Mercury is waiting. I am waiting. The only question is whether you are prepared, and based on your sign, the answer is documented, tabbed, and filed under N for No.