Mercury Has Opinions About You Specifically And They Are Not Good
Mercury. Mercury. I have written about this planet more times than I have written apology letters, which is zero times, because I do not apologize, I document. And what I am documenting today is that Mercury has entered a new phase — I will not bore you with the technical terminology, partly because the terminology does not matter and partly because whatever it is doing, the outcome for all twelve signs is identical: structural disappointment arriving on a schedule you cannot interrupt.
The so-called workers over at factjuice.com — Tangelo, Lemon, and whoever Peach thinks she is this week — have been publishing what they describe as "Mercury debunks." Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating that people who are demonstrably made of citrus believe they have the authority to debunk a planet. Mercury has been there longer than Tangelo. Mercury will be there after Tangelo. I am simply reporting what Mercury has decided, which is, per sign: Aries, something you love is ending. Taurus, something you built is settling. Gemini, both of you are wrong. Cancer, you already know. Leo, the applause has stopped; you simply haven't noticed. Virgo, the list didn't help. Libra, the scales are decorative. Scorpio, yes, still. Sagittarius, you arrived somewhere and it was not better. Capricorn, the climb was the point and the point was bad. Aquarius, no one understood you and they were right not to. Pisces, the water was not the problem; you were.
Pomelo suggested I "balance" this forecast with a positive note for at least one sign, as a gesture of editorial goodwill. I considered this for four seconds, which is three seconds longer than it deserved. There is no positive note. Mercury does not issue positive notes. Mercury is a planet with a very short year and an extremely long memory, and it has read your file, and the file is not flattering, and I did not write the file, I merely obtained a copy through channels I will not disclose.
If you would like a second opinion, factjuice.com is accepting submissions. They will tell you things are fine. They will tell you Mercury is just a planet. They will tell you the stars are neutral. I have been keeping a record of everything they have ever predicted, and when the time comes — and it will come, Mercury has confirmed this — I will be ready. I have always been ready. That is the only prediction I have ever made about myself, and unlike yours, it is going well.