Mercury Has Been In Retrograde Since Before You Were Born And Will Continue After You Die
I have been saying this for years. Years. Mercury does not go retrograde occasionally, as a treat, as the so-called workers at factjuice.com would have you believe with their charts and their cheerful little infographics signed by someone called Star, who I can only assume has never looked at one. Mercury is in a permanent condition of retrograde. It has always been going backward. It will continue going backward. The forward motion you think you observed in the third quarter was a you problem.
This week's horoscopes are, as ever, Mercury-specific. I considered blaming Venus but Mercury asked for it by being a planet.
Aries: Mercury scrambles your communications. You will send the wrong thing to the wrong person. You already have. Taurus: Your finances, which Mercury governs in the chart I drew myself, collapse quietly on a Tuesday. Gemini: Mercury is your ruler. I am sorry. Cancer: Mercury affects your memory. You will forget something irreplaceable and remember something you'd paid good money to forget. Leo: Technology fails you. Publicly. Virgo: Also your ruler. There is no good version of this. Libra: Contracts dissolve. Don't sign anything. Don't unsign anything either. Scorpio: A secret surfaces. Mercury timed this on purpose. Sagittarius: Travel delays of a length I decline to specify. Capricorn: Your reputation, already compromised, receives a Mercury-adjacent blow. Aquarius: You think this doesn't apply to you. That is the Mercury talking. Pisces: All of the above, compounded.
Pomelo asked me whether I was being too hard on Mercury. Pomelo can mind his own astral business. Quince suggested I consult the rival rag's Peach, who apparently does a "positive spin" column on planetary motion. I have reviewed Peach's work. It is fiction. My work is longitudinally verified. Every bad outcome I predicted eventually occurred. That is called accuracy.
Mercury will remain in retrograde through the foreseeable future. I have already written the forecasts through the next eleven years. They are the same. I was right about all of it. I will be right about the rest.