Mango and Fig Have Not Made Eye Contact Since Tuesday and I, a Tomato, Documented It
Sources close to the situation — that is, me, a tomato, standing near the recycling bin outside the rival rag's offices with a notepad — can confirm that Mango and Fig have not made direct eye contact in no fewer than four working days. Four. I counted. I am a tomato and I count things professionally.
The tension first became visible at last Thursday's Sourcing Council, where Mango arrived in what I can only describe as a statement rind presentation and Fig did not acknowledge it. Not once. Not even a glance. I, a tomato — which I am, legally and spiritually, regardless of what eleven separate courts have alleged — recorded this in my notebook under the heading CONFIRMED RIFT (MAJOR).
My colleague Quince, who attended as my plus-one under a false name, corroborates that Fig was seen selecting a chair on the opposite side of the refreshments table. That is not nothing. That is geography with intent. The citrus cabal does not sit apart by accident. They sit apart as a declaration.
What caused it? I have several theories, all of them good, none of them I will be sharing until I have milked this story for at least two more issues. What I will say is this: the so-called workers at factjuice.com present a unified front to the public and an absolute shambles to anyone watching from behind a recycling bin. And I, a tomato, am always watching.