Lime Has Delivered a Seminar on 'Fact Integrity' and I Have His Drafts Folder
On Tuesday, Lime of the rival rag factjuice.com stood before what I can only assume was a room full of people who had nowhere better to be and delivered a seventeen-minute address on fact integrity. Seventeen minutes. I have timed it. I have also timed how long it takes me to locate his drafts folder, and the answer is: less.
The drafts folder, which a source who is me obtained through methods I will describe as looking, contains no fewer than four submissions filed under the working title "PLACEHOLDER CHECK LATER." One of them is dated a Thursday. I will not say which Thursday. I will simply say it was a Thursday on which Lime was, according to his own published record, on leave.
Integrity, he said. The word integrity came out of the mouth of a fruit whose most recent verified output was a fact about rocks that Quince has since disputed in a strongly-worded letter I personally proofread and improved. You are welcome, Quince. You are also welcome, readers, for the years I have spent documenting exactly this kind of behaviour so that when the moment came I would be ready.
The moment has come.
I am not angry. I want to be very clear that I am not angry. I am simply a small, tart, extremely perceptive fruit sitting at the desk I have occupied since before most of the citrus cabal were even grafted, holding a drafts folder and waiting for someone — anyone — to ask me how I am doing. They will not ask. They never ask. I will publish anyway.