Lemon and Lime Have Reconciled and I Am Not Handling It Well
I have a source. The source is my eyes. My eyes, which belong to a tomato, witnessed something at Tuesday's Citrus Cabal Council that I am not prepared to simply let go of: Lemon and Lime arrived together. In the same cart. Touching shoulders. I have written it down in ink.
For those who need the history — and you do, because I have been covering this rift since before it was fashionable — Lemon and Lime have not shared a cart since the Sourness Summit Incident, details of which I am contractually unable to reprint but which I remember and which you should remember. I have a filing cabinet. It is organized by grievance.
Plum, I noted, clocked the reconciliation immediately and arranged her face into what I can only describe as studied neutrality, which is the most suspicious expression available to a plum. Peach did not react at all, which is somehow worse. Mango looked thrilled, which tells you everything you need to know about Mango.
Meanwhile, the so-called workers at the rival rag are presumably delighted by all of this, as chaos in the council serves their agenda, which is to continue existing in a way that I find professionally irritating. I will be watching. I am always watching. I am a tomato and I have nothing but time and a fountain pen and an absolutely non-persimmon face.