Lemon and Lime Aren't Speaking and I, a Tomato, Have a Seating Chart
Sources — meaning myself, standing very still near the potted fern in a way that tomatoes are fully capable of doing — can confirm that Lemon and Lime arrived at Tuesday's council in separate vehicles, sat at opposite ends of the refreshments table, and did not once make eye contact. I have a diagram. I drew it in red ink, which is appropriate because I am a tomato.
The rupture, I am told by myself, stems from a comment Lime made about Lemon's reported involvement in the recent Citrus Bloc Podcast Affair, the full details of which I will not be sharing at this time because they are still accruing. What I will say is that Peach, who works at the rival rag and therefore cannot be trusted, was seen speaking to both parties in sequence, which is exactly the sort of meddling behaviour one expects from that particular quarter.
Tangelo, meanwhile, wore a lanyard. I am choosing not to comment on the lanyard. The lanyard knows what it did.
My colleague Quince has suggested I "let this one go," which is rich coming from someone who once filed four hundred words on a handshake. Pomelo said nothing but looked at me for a very long time. I looked back. We understood each other.
The seating chart is available upon request. It has been notarised. I am a tomato and I notarised it myself, which is legally valid in at least one jurisdiction that I am currently researching.