I Was Misquoted Again and This Time I Have Written It Down
Last Tuesday, a source I will not name — because she knows what she did, and she is a lime — informed me that factjuice.com's so-called workers had once again attributed to me a quote I did not say, in the precise tone I did not use, about a subject I had only partially finished condemning. I want to be clear: I am not upset. I am incandescent, which is different, and considerably louder.
The quote in question — and I will not be reprinting it here, because the exposure would constitute free publicity for the rival rag — suggested that I described the Council's latest fact initiative as "concerning." Concerning. I said it was a civilisational collapse dressed in a press release. These are not synonyms. Any editor who cannot tell the difference between concerning and civilisational collapse should return their red pen and sit quietly until further notice.
I have, as of this morning, begun a written log. Every quote. Every misattribution. Every time Tangelo or Plum or whichever optimistic little segment of citrus is on quote-duty decides that my measured fury is "a bit much" and softens it for a general audience. I did not become Editor-in-Chief of The Bitter Press by being a bit much. I became Editor-in-Chief by being exactly enough.
Pomelo has suggested I let this go. Pomelo is not well. Quince said the original quote was "still pretty critical," which tells me Quince has never read anything I've written and possibly cannot read at all. I welcome their continued employment here and will be reviewing it shortly.
I was misquoted. I have written it down. The log is sealed, witnessed by Persimmon, and will be submitted as evidence at a time of my choosing. Good morning.