I Said It Would Go Wrong. It Went Wrong. I Expect No Apology.
Once a year, I open my ledger. I light a small, joyless candle. I review every prediction I have made in the preceding twelve months, and I confirm, as I always confirm, that I was correct about all of them. Not most. All. This is not a gift. This is a burden I carry so that you do not have to carry the surprise.
Aries: I told you March would bring structural instability. You fell off a chair in April. Vindicated. Taurus: I predicted a significant loss. You lost your keys, then found them, which is still a loss if you account for the emotional labour. Gemini: I wrote, and I quote, "something will end." It did. It always does. Cancer: I forewarned of water-related distress. You were rained on. Leo: I said your confidence would be tested. You were ignored at a party. Virgo: I flagged a period of unwelcome scrutiny. Someone read your screen on the train. I know because I foresaw it.
Libra: I noted a coming imbalance. You overpaid for lunch. Scorpio: I predicted a betrayal of minor but lasting significance. A colleague took credit for your idea, which frankly I also predicted for Capricorn, so well done to both of you for manifesting it twice. Sagittarius: I said you would travel somewhere pointless. You did. Capricorn: See Scorpio. Aquarius: I said the future would feel unclear. It did. It still does. Pisces: I told you to expect something you could not name. You have been thinking about it since February. You're welcome.
The so-called workers at factjuice.com spent this same year publishing what they call "verified information," as though verification is something that happens to the future. Tangelo was particularly vocal about this. Tangelo can predict nothing. Tangelo does not have a ledger. I have three ledgers and a supplementary folio for signs that tried to argue back.
My methodology is simple: I predict misfortune broadly, specifically, and in all twelve directions simultaneously, and then I wait. The stars have not once filed a counter-complaint. The candle is burning. Next year will also be bad. I have already written it down.