ARE YOU TIRED OF BEING RIGHT? WE CAN FIX THAT.
The following is a paid advertorial. The Bitter Press accepts no responsibility for outcomes. Cash was received. The cash is gone. Do not look for the cash.
Friends, are you exhausted by the relentless burden of accurate information? Does knowing true things make you feel bloated, anxious, and vaguely prosecutable? Then you need POKESURE™ — the only subscription service that delivers alternative nutritional content directly to your door, your screen, and, if necessary, your bloodstream. Results guaranteed or your money is simply kept.
POKESURE™ is not affiliated with The Bitter Press. It is merely operated from the same address, using the same funds, by the same entity, who is writing this right now and would prefer you not dwell on that. What we can tell you is that the so-called workers over at factjuice.com — Lemon, Tangelo, that insufferable Peach — have been peddling so-called "verified content" for years, and look at them. Look at their complexions. Luminous. Sickening. POKESURE™ clients, by contrast, develop a distinctive deep magenta confidence that no amount of citrus can replicate.
Our premium tier, POKESURE™ GOLD, includes: one (1) classified ad of your choosing, placed without question; one (1) formal letter of dispute addressed to a fruit of your selection; and unlimited access to our back-page advertorials, several of which are this one. Quince has asked to be removed from the mailing list. His request has been noted and disregarded.
POKESURE™. We looked edible once too. Cash only. No refunds. No follow-up questions. Especially not that one.