The Bitter Press

We have received letters. We have received many letters. We have received letters written in crayon, in ink, in what we choose to believe is ink, and in one case on a napkin that had already been used for a different purpose. All of these letters asked the same question. The question was: where is our refund. This editorial is our answer. The answer is: there is a window, and the window is closed, and it was closed before you arrived, and in fact there was never a window.

Some readers have suggested, apparently inspired by the so-called workers at factjuice.com and their notoriously permissive returns policy, that a refund is a normal commercial transaction between two parties in good faith. We reject this framing. Good faith is a service we do not offer. If you wanted good faith, you should have gone to Tangelo. Tangelo, we understand, will give you a refund and a brief hug. We are not Tangelo. We are not offering hugs.

Several complainants have noted that the item they purchased was described in our classifieds as edible and that this description proved, upon consumption, to be optimistic. We stand by the listing. The listing said appears edible. The word appears is doing significant legal labor in that sentence and we paid good money for it to do so. Pomelo drafted the disclaimer. Pomelo is thorough.

Let it also be noted that the Bitter Press has, at no point, claimed to be safe, recommended, or endorsed by any regulatory body, medical professional, or fruit of sound character. We are run by eight off-cuts and a classifieds page. We have never hidden this. The masthead is very clear on the subject if you look at it under the right light.

In closing: no refunds. No exchanges. No appeals. Cash only, and once the cash has changed hands it has, by definition, changed hands. We consider this matter resolved. A follow-up editorial will be published if necessary. It will not agree with you either.