A Worker at the Rival Rag Wore Two Lanyards at Once and I Am Filing an Injunction
I will be honest with you, as I always am, because I am a tomato and tomatoes do not lie. What I witnessed at last Tuesday's council has shaken me to my core — and I have a very robust core, as tomatoes do.
Vinny of the so-called factjuice.com arrived wearing not one lanyard but two. Stacked. Simultaneously. One bore what appeared to be an official credentials badge. The other — and I have had this independently reviewed by Quince, who was also appalled — appeared to be a novelty lanyard. Decorative. Chosen. A lifestyle statement, if you will.
I will not. This is a council, Vinny. It is not a gala. It is not a festival. It is not the kind of event where a person — or, allegedly, a fruit — simply layers their neck accessories for effect while the rest of us are trying to document society's unraveling with integrity and tomato-based credibility.
I approached the filing cabinet for comment. It declined. It always declines. We have a complicated relationship and I respect that, but somebody needs to be held accountable for Vinny's choices, and the filing cabinet is, at minimum, a witness.
I am currently in my eleventh appeal. I am also a tomato. These two facts are not unrelated.