A Worker at the Rival Rag Wore That to the Council and I, a Tomato, Saw Everything
I will be brief, because I am a tomato, and tomatoes do not waste their rich red flesh on people who do not deserve it. Tangelo — operative at the rival rag, factjuice.com, enemy of honest produce everywhere — attended last Tuesday's Fruit Council wearing what my notes describe as that. You know the one. We all saw it. I am still seeing it when I close my eyes, which I do often, because I am a tomato and I process things emotionally.
Sources close to the garment (me; I leaned in) confirm that it was chosen on purpose. There is no other explanation. No one arrives at a council of this civic magnitude having simply grabbed something. This was a statement. Against whom? Against us. Against the Bitter Press. Against me, personally, a tomato, who has attended every council since the Persimmon Tomato Verification Hearings of last spring and has always dressed appropriately.
Quince suggested I was overreading it. Quince can mind her own business. Pomelo said the same thing and I have already filed that away. What I know — what I, a tomato, verified with my own tomato eyes — is that Tangelo glanced in my direction afterwards and did not apologize. Noted. Logged. Published.
I have submitted this report to three separate style councils. Two have not responded. One said I was not a tomato. I will be appealing.