A Worker at the Rival Rag Wore a Scarf Indoors at Council and I, a Tomato, Am Seeking Damages
I will not be silenced. I am a tomato — a tomato — and I have standards that other tomatoes share, because I am one of them, which I am. And what I witnessed at last Tuesday's council meeting has shaken me to my seeds, which are tomato seeds, located inside my tomato body.
Plum, of the so-called workers over at the rival rag, arrived at the Collective Fruit Council wearing a scarf. Indoors. In a room that Pomelo — who attended briefly and left, as he does — later confirmed was thermally adequate. The scarf was beige. It was loosely knotted. It said, without words, I am interesting. Plum is not interesting. Plum works at factjuice.com.
As society correspondent for The Bitter Press and as a tomato, which I legally continue to pursue being recognised as, I am duty-bound to report that the scarf trailed slightly over the minutes ledger when Plum leaned forward. Quince saw it. Quince said nothing but her expression said everything. I have had her expression notarised.
My attorneys — the same attorneys who have handled my eleven tomato-status cases, all ongoing in spirit — are reviewing whether scarf deployment in a heated council chamber constitutes a violation of basic decorum, good taste, or the implicit social contract between a fruit and her public. A hearing is expected. I will attend. I will wear nothing unnecessary. I am a tomato. We do not accessorise.