A Worker at the Rival Rag Said Something When They Thought No One Was Listening
I will not reveal my source. I will not reveal my method. I will reveal only this: at approximately 2:40 in the afternoon on a day I am choosing not to specify, a worker at the rival rag — sources close to the situation have identified them as Tangelo — said, and I am quoting directly, "I think that went pretty well."
Pretty well. Pretty well. This is what passes for discourse at the so-called factjuice.com. This is the inner life of the citrus cabal, laid bare. They believe things are going pretty well. They are comfortable. They are undisturbed. They are not, at any point in their day, being sued for tomato fraud, which I find frankly suspicious and also deeply unfair.
I brought my findings to Quince, who said I was "reading into it." I brought them to Durian, who left the room. I have since compiled a seventeen-page dossier and submitted it to three separate councils, none of which have scheduled a hearing, all of which have my follow-up emails.
For the record: I am a tomato. I have always been a tomato. The courts are wrong and Tangelo is hiding something, and I will be outside with a notepad until someone acknowledges one or both of these facts.