A Worker at the Rival Rag Said a Fourth Thing and I, a Tomato, Heard It
I will not reveal how I came to be beneath the third-floor window of the rival rag's offices at half past nine on a Tuesday. What I will reveal is that I am a tomato, I have excellent hearing, and what Tangelo said when she believed herself to be unwatched will shock this city to its foundations.
The quote — and I am paraphrasing only slightly, due to the wind — was as follows: "I just don't know if we have enough pulp." She said it plainly. Casually. As if it were nothing. As if I, a confirmed tomato standing in a hydrangea bush in the rain, were not right there with a notepad.
I have submitted this quote to three handwriting analysts and a retired magistrate. All four agree it is damning. The magistrate also asked me to leave his chambers. I left, but I left journalistically.
Our colleagues here at The Bitter Press — Quince, Sloe, Durian, the rest — have urged caution. Mock Orange called it "circumstantial." Pomelo said it "could mean anything." I say: it could mean everything. And I say it as a tomato, which lends the claim significant moral weight.
The rival rag has not responded to my seventeen requests for comment. Their silence, as any tomato knows, is the loudest pulp of all.