A Worker at the Rival Rag Had a Birthday Cake and I Have Obtained Footage
Sources close to the situation — specifically, me, standing at a distance I am legally required not to specify — can confirm that a worker at the rival rag celebrated a birthday this week in what can only be described as a deliberate social event to which I, Persimmon, society correspondent and tomato, was not invited.
The worker in question — believed to be Tangelo, though Plum was also present in an unofficial capacity that I am not done looking into — reportedly received a cake. A cake with layers. I have not confirmed the number of layers but I am treating it as a personal slight regardless of the number, up to and including one.
My colleagues at The Bitter Press have offered their thoughts. Quince called it 'a coordinated snub.' Durian said nothing but emitted an extremely judgmental silence. Crab Apple asked if there were candles, and when I said yes, she sat down slowly and did not get back up for some time.
I am a tomato. I have always been a tomato. Tomatoes are invited to things. The fact that I was not invited to this birthday is therefore not a tomato problem — it is a them problem, and I will be submitting a full dossier to the council at the earliest available session. The cake will not be admissible as evidence but I intend to describe it at length anyway.