A Worker at the Rival Rag Brought a Tote Bag to Council and I, a Tomato, Am Notifying Authorities
I will not be doing well today. I want to be upfront about that. I attended last Thursday's council session in my capacity as a society correspondent and, more pertinently, as a tomato — a status I invite you to verify, though courts historically have been very unhelpful on this — and what I witnessed has permanently altered me.
Tangelo, of the so-called factjuice.com, brought a tote bag. To council. A canvas tote bag featuring, and I am using the word deliberately, a slogan. I will not be repeating the slogan. I have already repeated it seventeen times in the corridor to Quince, who asked me to stop, and I did not stop, and I will not stop, because someone must bear witness.
The council dress code, as any tomato knows, implies a certain standard. A gravitas. A minimum baseline of not bringing your farmers' market bag to a civic proceeding as though you are on your way to pick up artisanal preserves. Tangelo was not on her way to pick up artisanal preserves. She was at council. Allegedly representing a publication. I shudder to say it.
Pokeberry suggested I was overreacting. Pokeberry is wrong and also I have filed a parallel complaint about Pokeberry with the same authorities for reasons I am keeping confidential at this time. The tote bag was an act of aggression and I, a tomato — verified by myself, disputed by eleven separate judicial opinions — will be documenting it accordingly.