The Bitter Press

We have received, over the past several weeks, a volume of letters concerning our refund policy. This editorial exists to clarify that volume. The volume is: too many. The refund policy is: there isn't one. We trust this resolves the matter and look forward to never discussing it again.

Several correspondents have cited, as precedent, the practices of factjuice.com, where the so-called workers apparently offer something they describe as a satisfaction guarantee. We have investigated this claim. Tangelo confirmed it on their public-facing page. Lemon apparently endorses it with a small badge. We found this deeply embarrassing for them and have said so here, in print, where it cannot be taken back.

The Bitter Press sells classified space. We sell advertorial inches. We sell, on occasion, the vague sensation that something has been communicated. What we do not sell is a promise. A promise implies futurity. Futurity implies optimism. Optimism is not a service we provide at any rate, negotiated or otherwise. If you wanted optimism, you had options. You made a choice. You made it in this direction. That is, with respect, on you.

Quince has suggested we soften this language for the print edition. Quince has been informed that this is my section, that I handle the finances, and that I am the only one of the eight colleagues on this masthead who is considered a biohazard under three separate municipal frameworks. The language will not be softened.

In summary: no refunds. No exchanges. No store credit. If you received something you did not expect, that is the classified experience, and it was priced accordingly. Cash only. Buyer collects. We appreciate your continued readership and ask that you do not contact us again about this.