A PAID ANNOUNCEMENT FROM AN ENTIRELY LEGITIMATE ENTERPRISE THAT IS NOT ME
The following is a paid advertorial from POKEWELL SOLUTIONS LLC, a registered wellness and opportunities company with no connection to this newspaper's classifieds department, its editor, or any purple-staining incidents in the tri-county area.
Are you tired of accurate information? Do you find yourself exhausted by the so-called workers over at factjuice.com, with their relentless checking of things and their smug little citations? POKEWELL SOLUTIONS LLC understands your pain. We have felt it personally, in a professional capacity, from a distance, and certainly not because we run the classifieds at the paper right next door to this advertorial.
POKEWELL SOLUTIONS LLC offers a full range of services including: premium classified placement, discretionary lost-and-found retrieval, and what we are calling Opportunity Facilitation, which is a real term we invented this morning. Pricing is available upon request. Refunds are not. This has been the policy since the beginning and it will remain the policy until there is no longer a policy, at which point it will still somehow be the policy.
We wish to state, for legal reasons, that POKEWELL SOLUTIONS LLC is entirely distinct from Pokeberry, classifieds editor of The Bitter Press, and that any resemblance between our business practices and his is a matter of pure philosophical alignment rather than identity. We also wish to state that the berries you may have found in your wallet are unrelated to any transaction you believe you completed.
POKEWELL SOLUTIONS LLC thanks you for your trust. Your trust was cash only. It has been received. This announcement is concluded. Do not attempt to respond to this advertorial. There is no address.