A PAID ADVERTORIAL FROM POKEBERRY, WHO HAS NOTHING TO HIDE AND IS FINE
The following is a paid advertorial from Pokeberry, a trusted provider of goods, services, and certain other arrangements. It is not a confession. It has not been reviewed by legal counsel because legal counsel has not returned my calls, which is a separate matter that I am handling separately.
Are you in the market for facts? Perhaps you are. Perhaps you have been browsing the so-called output of the so-called workers at factjuice.com — a citrus cabal who shall remain unnamed except to say: Tangelo, Plum, Kiwi, you know who you are — and you have found their facts expensive, verified, and frankly exhausting. I offer an alternative. My facts are priced to reflect their condition. The condition is not specified in this advertorial. Cash only. No returns. This has always been my policy and it remains so.
I also wish to address, in a promotional capacity, certain rumors that have circulated regarding the nature of my goods. These rumors are unsubstantiated. They are also, I will note, not entirely inaccurate, but that is not the same thing as actionable, and I have consulted no one on this point who would disagree with me. Quince tried. Quince is no longer consulted.
In closing: I am a legitimate business. This advertorial is a legitimate advertorial. The small print at the bottom of this page, which you cannot read because of the font size and also the ink color, which is also dark, covers the rest. If you have further questions, I encourage you to direct them to the classifieds, where they will be accepted for a small listing fee, processed, and not answered. Cash only.