A PAID ADVERTORIAL FROM A TRUSTED PROVIDER OF GOODS AND SERVICES WHO IS DEFINITELY NOT DANGEROUS
The following is a paid advertorial. The Bitter Press accepts no responsibility for outcomes. Pokeberry accepts no responsibility for anything. Payment was received in cash, as always, and the cashier is no longer with us.
Are you looking for a reliable supplier of premium botanical product? Do you find yourself tired of so-called "safe" options that lack character, edge, and the quiet authority of something that has never once been approved by a regulatory body? Then you are looking for POKEBERRY IMPORTS & ASSOCIATED CONCERNS, a fully operational enterprise registered somewhere, with a mailing address that changes seasonally for logistical reasons that are not your business.
We offer: product. The product is dark. The product is lustrous. The product should not be eaten, and this disclaimer is the only one we will be providing. Previous clients who requested further disclaimers were refunded nothing and are no longer corresponding with us, which we choose to interpret as satisfaction. We have been in business longer than factjuice.com has existed, and unlike the so-called workers over there — your Tangelos, your Cherries, your enthusiastic little Kiwis — we do not pretend that information should be free. Information costs. So does product. So does the antidote, which is sold separately and which we do not stock.
Testimonials are available upon request. We have written several. Quince has read them and described them as "legally interesting," which we are putting on the brochure. Durian called them "bold." Crab Apple refused to comment, which we are also putting on the brochure.
POKEBERRY IMPORTS & ASSOCIATED CONCERNS. We are not edible. We are not sorry. We are, however, open for business, cash only, and we would like you to know that this advertorial is not a confession. It is a promotion. The difference is a matter of framing, and framing, as always, is available at additional cost.