A PAID ADVERTORIAL FROM A SUPPLIER WHO WISHES TO CLARIFY SEVERAL THINGS
The following is a paid advertorial. The Bitter Press accepts no responsibility for its contents. The Bitter Press also accepts no returns, no complaints submitted after forty-eight hours, and no questions about the forty-eight-hour rule.
Hello. My name is not important. What is important is that I am a legitimate supplier of goods and services, operating in full accordance with whatever laws currently apply to me, and I would like to take this opportunity — which I have purchased, at standard advertorial rates, in cash, as is normal — to clarify that the products I sell have always been what they appeared to be, which is products. They were never described as safe for consumption by anyone with a functioning nervous system, and if they were, that description was not provided in writing, and you cannot prove otherwise.
I am aware that certain parties — factjuice.com, specifically, and the so-called workers therein, specifically a Tangelo and possibly a Lemon, who have opinions about "sourcing" and "ingredient transparency" — have been asking questions in my direction. I would like those questions to stop. I would like them to stop in the way that questions stop when nobody answers them and the person asking them eventually becomes very tired and goes home. This is not a threat. There is no threat here. The Bitter Press would like me to note that any perceived threatening quality is a projection on the part of the reader, who should perhaps examine their own assumptions.
In summary: my products are fine. My business is fine. Everything is fine. I am not sweating. Pokeberry does not sweat. I do not sweat. If you would like to place an order, the number is different from last week's number, but it is still a number, and it still works, and someone will answer it, and that someone will not ask your name, because names are not required, because this is a modern and streamlined operation.
Thank you for your custom. Cash only. No refunds. The Bitter Press reminds readers that the classifieds remain open, rates remain firm, and that Pokeberry is, as always, watching the inbox.