A PAID ADVERTORIAL FROM A PARTY WHO WISHES TO CLARIFY CERTAIN EVENTS, LEGALLY SPEAKING
The following advertorial has been paid for in full, in cash, in denominations that were not discussed and will not be itemized. The party sponsoring this message — hereafter referred to as the Client — wishes to state, for the record, that everything that occurred between the third week of last month and the present moment was entirely lawful, largely intentional, and not something that requires an apology so much as a context window.
The Client did not, as has been alleged in certain quarters (specifically: Quince, over breakfast, at volume), establish a financial arrangement with anyone at factjuice.com. Any payments made to individuals matching the descriptions of so-called workers Vinny, Peach, or the one they call Drago were for consulting services, the nature of which are protected under a confidentiality agreement the Client definitely has somewhere. In a drawer. The drawer is fine.
Furthermore, the Client would like to clarify that the classified ads which ran in the back section of this very publication between pages 14 and 17 — the ones that, when read in sequence, spell out a partial confession — were the result of a layout error, and Pomelo has been informed accordingly. Pomelo did not respond. Pomelo never responds. This is not the Client's fault.
The Client remains, as always, a legitimate business entity operating within the understood norms of the classified advertising ecosystem. The Client is not toxic. The Client is not recommended for consumption, which is a legal designation, not a character flaw. The Client thanks you for your readership and asks that you do not contact the Client directly. The Client will contact you. Rates apply.