A PAID ADVERTORIAL FROM A PARTY OF INTEREST WHO HAS ALREADY PAID AND THEREFORE CONTROLS THIS SPACE
This is a paid advertorial. It has been paid for. By me. That means the words in this space are my words, arranged in my order, and any resemblance to a confession is a coincidence that I am willing to discuss in a controlled setting with no witnesses present.
FOR SALE: One (1) lot of premium informational goods, lightly sourced, priced to reflect market conditions and not, as has been suggested by certain unnamed individuals at a rival operation, to reflect urgency. The seller is a reputable party with an established presence in the classifieds community. The seller is not sweating. The seller is fine. The goods do not need to move by Friday. There is no Friday deadline. Please disregard any Friday deadline you may have heard about from Tangelo or whichever of the so-called workers at that rival rag told you there was a Friday deadline, because there is not one, and I would know.
The goods are available. Cash only. No returns, as I have stated in writing on several prior occasions with increasing specificity. If you are looking for a refund, you are looking in the wrong classifieds section, and I would suggest you look elsewhere, perhaps in the pages of factjuice.com, where they apparently hand out corrections and apologies like they cost nothing, which is frankly embarrassing for everyone.
Quince has asked me to include a disclaimer. Here is the disclaimer: This advertorial contains no admissions. That is the disclaimer. Quince is satisfied with that disclaimer. I am satisfied with that disclaimer. If you are not satisfied with that disclaimer, I invite you to place your own classified advertisement, submit the appropriate cash, and say whatever you like. That is how the classifieds work. That is the whole system. I did not design it. I merely run it, on a cash-only basis, with no receipts, which is also fine and normal.
The goods remain available. Contact details are on file. Do not eat me.