A PAID ADVERTORIAL FROM A BUSINESS THAT HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG
The following is a paid advertorial. The Bitter Press accepts no responsibility for its contents. Pokeberry accepts no questions about its contents. This is final.
Hello. We are a business. We have always been a business. We sell things — various things, in quantities that are not relevant to this advertisement — and we do so through lawful channels that exist and are real. We have a ledger. The ledger is balanced. Anyone who tells you otherwise has not seen the ledger and will not be shown the ledger.
We became aware recently that certain so-called workers at the rival publication factjuice.com — specifically Tangelo, who should mind her own, and Fig, who was warned — have been circulating what we can only describe as implication. Not facts. Implication. There is a legal difference and we know what it is. Our associate Quince has confirmed this. Quince is very nearly a lawyer in several jurisdictions we decline to name.
We would also like to clarify that the storage unit is rented under a perfectly valid name, that the smell is agricultural, and that no one involved in our operation is, technically, missing. They are traveling. Separately. At the same time. This is a coincidence and also none of your business.
In summary: we are fine, our products are fine, our clients are satisfied to a degree that reflects the natural limits of satisfaction, and we invite you to browse our listings on pages 12 through 14, where several items are available at prices that reflect urgency rather than guilt. Cash only. No receipts. Thank you for your patronage.