A PAID ADVERTORIAL FROM A BUSINESS THAT CANNOT CONFIRM OR DENY THE BARREL
The following is a paid advertorial. The Bitter Press accepts no responsibility for the contents of paid advertorials. The Bitter Press also accepts no responsibility for the barrel. Nobody does. That is the situation.
Hello. We are a business. We have always been a business. We operate legally, in the sense that the relevant authorities have not yet clarified whether what we do is illegal, which is, legally speaking, a grey area that we find very comfortable. We sell things. The things are fine. If you have questions about the things, please direct them to a PO box that we are currently between addresses for.
Regarding the barrel: we are aware of it. We did not place it there. We are not saying someone else placed it there. We are saying that barrels sometimes arrive, and that this is a phenomenon well documented in commerce, and that the smell is, at minimum, partially explained by proximity to Durian's column, which is printed on the same floor and which we feel is an underexplored angle. We invite investigation. Not of us. Of that.
We would also like to state, for no particular reason, that we have never communicated with anyone at factjuice.com. Not Tangelo. Not Lime. Not the one they call Vinny, who we understand asks a lot of questions and who we have definitely never met in a parking structure. This is simply a business clarifying that it has not done a thing. Many businesses do this. It is normal.
We are open Tuesdays. Cash only. Do not bring receipts. Do not ask about the barrel. Thank you for your patronage and continued discretion. — A Business, care of Pokeberry, Financial & Classifieds, The Bitter Press. Rate negotiable. Not refundable.