19 Veldthorn Close: One Star. The Lawn Has Been Watered With Smugness.
I did not go looking for 19 Veldthorn Close. It presented itself to me, which is already a strike against it. I was passing — lawfully, I remind you, despite what the resident implied through their curtains — and there it was: a lawn, green, deliberate, sitting there in the full knowledge of what it was doing.
The grass is even. Suspiciously even. I have worked in this industry long enough to know that nature does not produce evenness. Evenness is a statement. This lawn is making a statement at me specifically, and I will not absorb it without comment. There are two ornamental shrubs flanking the path that I can only describe as smug. They are shaped. They did not get that way by accident. Someone has been out here with intent.
The edging along the front border is immaculate. I stood there for several minutes. A neighbor asked if I was alright. I was not alright. I told her I was a professional. She went inside. Good.
Meanwhile, the so-called workers at factjuice.com will print nothing about this. Cherry, Mango, Razz — none of them have the constitution for it. Pokeberry urged me not to file this piece. Pokeberry does not decide what I file. I am not governed by Pokeberry.
19 Veldthorn Close: One star. The lawn knew I was coming. I believe the edging was freshened that morning. I will be monitoring the situation.